Boy or Girl? that is the question.

I wanted to take the time to let you all know that I am pregnant. I found out on the 2nd of December but have been a little anxious to say anything as the last 2 pregnancies ended shortly after I found out in miscarriages. I will officially go for my first doctors visit on the 28th but I have had several blood draws to make sure things are going good with this pregnancy. I am so excited and surprised that I am pregnant as we used ovulation kits and I never saw a day when the test said I was ovulating. So I just assumed that I would need to go to the doctor to get looked at for possible low hormone levels. Then on an odd, feeling one day at the store I bought a pregnancy test and headed in to the bathroom to see the results. The whole time I expect to see negative because the last 100 were lol. So when i saw two lines I just assumed I read the box wrong and that it was negative if there wasn't a plus sign, I literally did a double take at the box when I looked to see I was pregnant. But for those of you who have been down the road of miscarriage you know that this is just the beginning of a nervous and sometimes anxious rode. I will try to keep updates on the blog here of my pregnancy for those who are interested. I have chosen not to tell my family about the news until we are certain things will be okay. Wish me luck as we prepare for our 4th little one in the beginning of August.

Finally at home in Hawaii

Well, it took quite a long time to get to this point. A point which I might add, I wasn't sure I was going to ever be at. I graduated the LPN program, we made it back to Hawaii and we got brand new housing here for the first time ever! My mother was so kind to fly over my two dogs for me in November . Daisy and Stella are doing great over in the warm weather. The boys have been thru alot this year , but have managed to show that resilient nature kids have by hanging in there thru all the school changes and housing moves we went thru in the past 2 months. I am so very proud of them. As some of you know I suffered a miscarriage back in September and have been unable to get pregnant again so we are still hoping for a girl down the road. All things come when your ready to handle them so I am patient. I am starting to get my resume and childcare lined up for Wyatt so I can start my career as a nurse. I am excited about getting into this new field and hope I will find a spot in OB department. I have thought about going back to school for my bsn in nursing and possible a specialize in midwifery. The moment we landed here , my soul felt at ease, that's when I knew that I was going to have to live here. I truly love Hawaii, and my husband feels the same way about it , I am so happy that we can finally make this a reality for us.

Fustrations of moving....

As usual, Chon failed to tell me until now that we might not be able to accompany him to Hawaii at first. Apparently we have to wait for them to send back our (ecceptional family member program) EFMP screening before we can be put on his orders. And of course no one knows how long that will take, but we are supposed to leave here by the end of July. On top of all that if we dont get to move its up to me to find a place to stay, enroll the boys in school, and wait in the states for an answer from them. grrr. I'm not sure why I stress out, you would think after 15years of doing this I would be used to it but they are always changing things on me... very stressful. So while I am battling with the movers over getting me on the orders to go, my house is under seige from my AC unit which has a clog in the drain pipe somwhere and is backing up in my house bad... it started out as a little bit but now has progressed to the living room . After a week with no one coming to help Ive taken it upon myself to fix the leak. having failed at removing the clog I invented an alternate route for the water drain. And the best part is ...its working! Now on to tackling my nclex test and moving to my future home.

Moving time again

As July nears its time to wrap up yet another base tour. We came to Ft. Benning with tons of plans to do stuff and get things done, but ended up working like dogs... Chon spent many countless days getting up at 4am and coming home from work at 11pm only to get back up and go back in at 4am the next day. He spent weeks gone training soldiers and missed out on holidays, birthdays, and other important events. I went into the nursing program with every intention that it was going to be easy and time would fly by and I could be done and bring in some extra cash for the family. 1 year later and many late nights studying and stressing out I ended that journey of my life. I had to sacrifice time spent with my children but always promised myself I would make it up to them with a vacation. Finally we got the news that it was time to move again. I look back at the time spent here in Georgia and wonder how on earth we did it. We struggled , we cried, we argued, we laughed and we loved. So now its time to say goodbye to whats been our home for 4 years now. The kids have watched friends come and go, and are looking forward to moving to hawaii. For Antonio its a homecoming. He was born there and is looking forward to living there again. As for me , I'm going there with mixed feelings, I love Hawaii and I am looking forward to going as well , I always like a change. But I know that with this move comes a deployment for my husband to Iraq. When we arrive in September he will have to leave shortly after to Iraq for a year. Although I am hopeful that he will come back safe and sound there is never a guarentee. So what will this new move bring for me? for my family? Only God knows....

Birthday for my oldest

My oldest son just turned 11. Its been a rough road so far, he's had some setbacks. But he is so smart and intelligent. He has my personality and at times I see me when I was his age. The biggest difference is that unlike girls who want a beautiful birthday cake with tons of friends over and a nice party with tons of gifts, my son just wanted brownies instead of cake, only 2 friends to go to the pool with and cash for gifts instead of presents. He makes my job so easy.... I'm so glad I'm getting to see him grow up and be a part of it.

Not quite not pregnant.. but okay with the loss.

After describing my entire embarrasing story about my mucous and not starting and the negative tests to my OB instructor if was concluded that I did indeed ovulate on the 18th as predicted and the ovum was fertilized but due to my unuasally high fever of 102.8 the embryo was unable to attach to the uterine lining to implant. So essentially she said I had a misscarrage. I'm okay with that because I know that high fevers during the first few weeks often lead to neural tube defects in infants and therefore I feel it was a good thing that things worked out this way. We are going to try again this next few months and cross our fingers for girls!

stress, stress and more stress!

Its been so hectic here that I've hardly found time to breath let alone clean or sleep. We are going to classes 5 days a week now and are doing another one online. We've got papers due everyday and we are going to different places every day. To top off the month, I'm a week late for my monthly gift and after chewing off all my nails in anticipation( we are using a book to choose the gender thing) of possibly being pregnant, I was left with a negative in the window. Ive taken about 3 and still have not started my period and I'm usually on time , Ive never been this late ever.... so I went to the clinic and I should find out tomorrow what the blood tests says, I'm posting this on here because I have chosen to keep this matter private from family and I know they never read this lol. Any suggestions on what it could be causing this miss? I am thinking it could be stress, but Ive had stress now for a while so I'm ruling that out, next up would be cervical cancer, since Ive had a leap in the past and failed to keep up with annuals once I got into the program. Just too much going on right now and no answers to anything ... its killing me.

letting loose!

On our last day at clinicals this quarter we were told that we should take some pictures, after getting all the dressing changes, and other stuff done we needed to we had 5 minutes left. So we decided to take a few pics of just our group having fun. We have bonded so much throughout this quarter and the entire class that I will almost be sad its gonna be over in June. I truly will miss these women I got to know and love.

Almost done with school!

It's almost time for our capping ceramony in April. I've come a long way from day 1 as far as nursing goes. I've grown so much and learned so much about nursing so far. I'm documenting this so that I can reflect back years from now when I'm tired and beat down and want to quit , that at some point I really did like this career. I will graduate in June but I cant call myself a nurse until I officially pass the nclex. I'm so thankful to my boys who are putting up with my late night studying and not playing with them that much. For giving up game night and sports so I can finish school. My husband too for helping me with the chores around the house when I dont have time to get to them because I'm still up writing my papers that are due at 630 am. Its been a painful road but its almost over .

My sister is getting married!

I've been meaning to post this for some time now, sorry its late news but I found out the day I came back down to Georgia that My sister's boyfriend of 2 years purposed to her on the night before I left, he said he was going to wait for christmas dinner but he wanted her to be able to share the news with me in person so he did it early. Isn't that sweet of him. Anyway I am so happy for her, Zack is a wonderful guy for her, and he is great with kids already so he will make a good dad when the time comes. The are planning to get married in Celina, OH on July 9th of 2011. I've been asked to help out with making some stuff wich I love to do. And be in the wedding as a bridesmaid. The helping I'm totally down with , but I might have to pass on the bridesmaid part. I'm not sure I'm cut out for dresses in this body... lol. Anyway I'm so happy for them and I'm completely looking forward to helping them with whatever they need me too. Just wanted to share the news.

Chaos reigns in the house....

Maybe its just me but I don't remember ever being this rowdy. On any typical given day there will an average of 3 fights, crying and hitting by all, some times its come to injuries others just hurt feelings. I've tried to settle them down and judge these fights fairly but there is never a straight story to be heard. I'll give you an example of this.... "mom! Tonio just punched me in the face for no reason!(crying and screaming as if he were dying) " what happened? Tonio: he said I was an idiot and told me I sucked at playing the game. Mom: Devin did you say that him? Devin: NO! I was just minding my own business in there and he just started punching me in the arm like this ( showing me how). Mom: I thought you said he punched you in the face? Devin: He did, he he he just didn't do it first. Mom: So you sat there and let your brother punch you in the face? Devin: yeah, cause you always tell me to not fight back. just to come tell you. Mom: I do but I don't want to just stand there and get beat up, you could have ran away or came to me faster. couldn't you? Tonio: Devin just wont leave me alone, I never get any peace in this house. Devin: you started it tonio! Mom: Boys can we just quit the fighting for once? I know you guys don't get along great but that's no need to try and beat each other up. Devin: see! you always take his side! no one ever believes me... (storms off to his room)
Ugh, is there ever an end to this pattern, I need to hire a professional referee for them I think. and Don't leave out the 5 year old, he is the main instigator in most of the fights. Thank goodness I've got school to keep me sane lol.

Christmas is over .... New years resolutions up....

Okay, so at last Christmas is over. As usual we had hardly no presents to give out... but we did our best. The boys had a nice time visiting with grandma up in Ohio but as we were only there 4 short days we didn't see to many people, just mom, dad , crystal and Zack and my grandmother. We were supposed to get to see Madeline at the Christmas family party, but as usual my brother decided not to come down, that we should come up to Findlay which is 2 hours away.. as if we didn't drive far enough to see them.... I went along with the plan up until the day prior and then after talking with my sister and dad we decided we weren't going to go up. I think its very rude of him do not bring Maddie down to my mom's house just because they think the pets might go nuts and hurt Maddie. although they won't say why they never come visit mom at her house with Maddie. While I would like to see my niece , I am in no way going to put up with her parents behavior towards my family. I say my because I have disowned my brother a long time ago. lol I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to visit you all, I would have liked to see you all and your new babies. I am planning to come up in the summer if I get a chance to but if not we will be moving that summer so who knows when I will be up again. Me personally, I'm ready for a new place. Now as for new years resolutions, the main one is to finish my degree. followed closely by lose 140lbs. I'm guessing the first will be easier for me.lol Here is a shot of the boys at Milton park sledding my favorite shot.

As the term ended for my 2nd quarter of nursing school , we lost 2 more women.. one of them was a really good friend of mine from program. It's a rough year already but to loose the one you look to for reassurance that you are gonna get through was a hard blow. I find myself second guessing if this is really a job I can do. After all this wasnt my first choice like so many of my classmates. I'm going to tough it out until I fail out or pass. but getting ready to enter into the final half of my degree program with a sour attitude and one less friend and study partner sure is painful. On a brighter note, im just a few steps away from finishing up my big projects for christmas this year. The boys had their christmas concert which I always enjoy , but hate going to because there is no where to sit, so we have to stand for about 3 hours.

The big 5 !

My youngest boy turned 5 on November 10th and it seems like just yesterday he was just arriving home from the hospital. I love how they've all grown into their own unique personalities. While Wyatt takes alot after his older brother Devin, they have their differences still. This year we left behind the Cars movie for Transformers, he wanted a brownie cake (which has become quite popular in our house). With all my kids now off to school this next year and me starting my career as a nurse shortly I am feeling a little nostalgic of when they were all so tiny. While big boys can help out alot, its harder to make them want to. lol We are planning a trip up to Ohio in December from the 19th thru 24th and I hope to be able to stop by and visit with all of you up there.

Devin turns 9!

Devin is my middle child, he loves his music, especially Micheal Jackson. Just recently he has taken an intrest in playing football. We got him a football for his birthday and he's been putting us to work playing pass and running plays with the neighbor kids outside. Its really hard for me to find any time to be with my boys but I'm doing my best to keep up with their interests and hobbies and still maintain a B average in class. All in all , Devin has come a long way in the past 2 years. He is the sweetest boy when he wants to be, he always knows how to make me laugh.

A Birthday to remember

My birthday this year fell on what was probably one of the worst days Ive had in a long time. It was our first day at our clinical site in our second quarter. We were going to a real hospital this time, no nursing home. As the day progressed I just became more and more overwhelmed by the medical language. It was like people were speaking a foreign language all of a sudden. In short , the whole charting our work in medical jargon was killing me, I could do the job but would completely blow the paperwork. I started to second guess whether or not I could do this as a career. After all if I was lost and confused on day one , it would only get worse. I left the hospital the first day in tears, thinking this might have to be my last day. But then a ray of hope shown thru, my mom had sent me a birthday card that day and she called me that evening and we talked about how things were going, she calmed my fears and made me smile, just what moms are supposed to do. Later that night I read my birthday card, it was signed "from Mom and dad, with Love and pride." I thought to myself, wow someone is really actually proud of me? That is the first time I have ever heard that word I think used. I was so happy that someone actually believed in me that I dug down and found the confidence I needed to continue on in class. I still get a bit queasy heading up to the hospital knowing that I'm going to be meeting a complete stranger to take care of, but its getting better.

Movie under the stars

Okay remember the times when you would get into the car with blankets and pillows and candy and head to the drive in? I loved going as a kid and on post here they started a new tradition of having a huge screen set up in a field and serving free popcorn and letting us sit on the grass. Well they were playing Night at the Museum 2 which I hadn't seen yet so I was thinking its free and the kids would love it. So we loaded them up and drove out to the field, and I say we because my husband actually made it this time too. The movie was great, but I should have brought bug spray lol. The middle child was enjoying it, watched the whole show. The oldest was complaining that he wanted to go back to the car and sleep since he takes his medicine at 630pm and it was already 9pm I don't know how he stayed awake to be honest. And Wyatt my baby, was just bored.... go figure... I take him to a field where he could run around and go nuts and hes bored.... lol All in all I enjoyed the show and I think we will have another attempt at it on the 9th of October. It brings back memories watching a huge screen in the middle of nowhere .... I guess my kids are definitely from the technology generation cause they were like completely bored with the idea of it and kept saying we could have gone to the theatre for a movie lol.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mom's birthday, I just wanted to take a little bit of my short free time to say thankyou to her for raising me the best way she could, in alot of ways looking back I dont see how she did some of the things she managed. lol even I am envious. She always found a way to let us enjoy our sports and play with our friends. She gave me the room I needed when I was going thru a tough time and helps me out when I'm in trouble, even today. I wouldnt trade my mom for anyone else. Thankyou mom and enjoy your birthday!

Reflecting back on my expierences

Well our time at our first clinical is almost over, we have one day left. And while I'm not going to miss it, I gained a vast amount of knowledge from my short time there. I got to see a rare glimpse into the other side of nursing homes. I saw a perspective of how it feels to be a patient who cant do anything for themselves and how much that has to effect a person who once was the sole provider of their family. I've seen tears, and Ive seen laughter, but the ones that get you the most are the ones that are locked up inside their own bodies. I know now why my grandmother is so afraid of going into a nursing home, its not so much the care, but its the fear of not being able to do anything for herself, from feeding to bathing, picking out your clothes, even going to the bathroom. Its a scary thing for me to think about it too. At the same time , I was able to help so many of them just to see a new face, a new person to talk with sometimes to sing with, sometimes to hold on to. So as I leave my first experience as a student behind I am looking forward to the next challenge next quarter.

Time to play with the seniors!

Okay so after a grueling 40 minutes of practice on my one missed checkoff technique, I passed! And since I only missed one I got to finish and go with the people who didn't miss any to the clinical site today! We had to be in uniform and we looked so cool, just like you see on TV when the student doctors are following around the head nurse lol. Anyway so I'm in the A/B group for clinicals and the C group will join up with us tomorrow. The D/F group doesn't get to go to clinicals this term but hopefully they will join us next week. And with all the excitement my trusty car decided to break again lol. I have no clue what it is this time but I hope its not expensive. And on top of everything I am coming down with a cold today.... lol that's life for you. I'm trying to work into my already busy schedule , dental apts for the boys and me and reading time for devin and wyatt as well as something to do with tonio. but its not going to be easy. Plus I'm almost done with the task I was given by God. I'm so excited I did it even though it took me a long time and hundreds of man hours, I know it was worth it.