Cancelling events

Our family has always had emotional issues when doing anything, so as a result we rarely do family events together. I tend to avoid them for the sake of loosing it in public, I hate having to yell or get stared at in public. So going out to eat, going bowling, camping, anything is a real effort for me. I found out that my husband planned on taking us to the gulf of Mexico in Florida for our anniversary this next coming week and It hurt me that he planned this event knowing that I am absolutely appalled by my body and to get into a bathing suit is like walking around naked to me. All the stares and whispering is enough to kill me honestly. So instead of it being a joyous and thoughtful event, it was a painful and heartbreaking one. I immediately went to work asking him to cancel it, telling him we don't have the cash for this trip, partly because we don't. and that I thought it was unfair since he kept telling me I couldn't go home because of the cash situation but we could go to Florida.... Basically I laid on the guilt.... big time.... which is something I am very good at doing to myself . I know I am the only one responsible for loosing the weight, but some times my depression gets the best of me and I cop out. So finally last night after 2 nights of quilting he caved in and said yeah we don't need to go on the trip, we can just do something here, (the sad part was , I didn't even want that, I just wanted to go about my week normally and forget it all together) " sure " I told him. Looking back , I guess I should have let it go, after all its his anniversary too, I could have suffered thru it as I usually do.

Good News!

Yesterday has been a constant overload of good news. It started that morning while I was doing the dishes I put off from last night (when I say doing I mean by hand) I was doing what I always do while I wash the dishes... singing loudly and thinking about the days schedule. But little did I know I was about to get a very important message. Now you should know that although I am a christian I've never been asked to do anything in particular by God. But that morning while I was doing dishes, I suddenly was given a vision and a goal, I had no idea why but I was compelled to do this. I decided it must be very important so I am taking on the task I feel God wants me to do. And although I am wondering and hoping that its for a good reason I have to do it. So with all of that on my mind as I headed out the door for class, a friend of the family, (my husbands army Buddie) stopped by to ask me where I got my tattoo's at. I found this very ironic that he would bring this up just after I decided not to go thru with mine, and I pondered it's meaning for a bit on the drive to daycare to drop off my 4 yr old. Just as I had forgotten about the conversation and that was largely due to my child doing a Houdini in the car seat, I was asked by the 3 daycare ladies about the tattoo I have on my right chest of a hummingbird, they all expressed how much they liked it and were getting their own tattoos. I couldn't help but think to myself what is God trying to say? Is this a hint that me getting my tattoo's isn't such a bad thing after all? Then on my way to class, my husband calls to tell me that he got his extension approved! which means I can go to classes if I get in! With all the good news going I wondered when the bad was going to hit... Then the radio started playing a song about This is the Day.... I was overcome with giddy happiness and decided just to revel in the day, I'm sure the bad is just around the corner but that's another day....lol

Moving on...

well lots has been happening lately here in GA, I've been waiting patiently to hear back from my college program to see if I made the cut, we are also waiting to hear back from my husbands branch commander to see if his orders to Ft. Campbell can be deleted and give us the extension he put in for. And while all that waiting is going on other things have been put on hold like, finding a summer camp for the boys, figuring out the best way to fit in a vacation this year. Still other things have been put off permanently such as, getting my tattoo.. I know many of you were opposed to this anyway and probably see it as for the best. Out of all of these new found discoveries and waiting for a new path to start for my family, the one that I'm slowly coming to terms with is letting go of the past. I've tried diligently to keep up with people I assumed where friends of mine from the past, but I'm finding out that many of them were simply just social friends. And while it pains me to think that I might not have any true friendships, I know that there is a small chance social friends can become true friends. If any lessons come from starting down this new path it will be I have to let go of the past, and move on .