Cancelling events

Our family has always had emotional issues when doing anything, so as a result we rarely do family events together. I tend to avoid them for the sake of loosing it in public, I hate having to yell or get stared at in public. So going out to eat, going bowling, camping, anything is a real effort for me. I found out that my husband planned on taking us to the gulf of Mexico in Florida for our anniversary this next coming week and It hurt me that he planned this event knowing that I am absolutely appalled by my body and to get into a bathing suit is like walking around naked to me. All the stares and whispering is enough to kill me honestly. So instead of it being a joyous and thoughtful event, it was a painful and heartbreaking one. I immediately went to work asking him to cancel it, telling him we don't have the cash for this trip, partly because we don't. and that I thought it was unfair since he kept telling me I couldn't go home because of the cash situation but we could go to Florida.... Basically I laid on the guilt.... big time.... which is something I am very good at doing to myself . I know I am the only one responsible for loosing the weight, but some times my depression gets the best of me and I cop out. So finally last night after 2 nights of quilting he caved in and said yeah we don't need to go on the trip, we can just do something here, (the sad part was , I didn't even want that, I just wanted to go about my week normally and forget it all together) " sure " I told him. Looking back , I guess I should have let it go, after all its his anniversary too, I could have suffered thru it as I usually do.